# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im six kinds of drunk right now
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
