i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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