i already hear my dad disowning me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
