We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
