my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
bring money and cleavage
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
