Reggie can tackle my bush.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
