We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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