when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
