OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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