I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
