I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
