I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
