i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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