1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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