I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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