i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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