you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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