you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
