I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
that's an acceptable place to lick
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
