I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I look better un-naked...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
