no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
