i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
