On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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