Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If that was your dad, he is hot
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize