dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
