I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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