Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
