The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
