i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
