I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
