But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm passing your future prison.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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