We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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