Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
