i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
