I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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