Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
