walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
