how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize