We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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