Cold hands, warm shart.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
