i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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