He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize