you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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