it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
