At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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