You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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