I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
