we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
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I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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