he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
