Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
