I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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