After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
