no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
