WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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