I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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