Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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