I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
